Sunday, June 15, 2008

Church Bulletin Bloopers!

Church Bulletin Bloopers


Perhaps I am being irreverent to pass these funny bloopers along to you on Sunday. I hope not! They made me laugh. :) Out loud! Seriously. Maybe I am just over tired due to lack of sleep because of all of the thunderstorms last night, the high humidity, and lack of electricity. I hope you'll get a giggle out of a couple of these, at least!

And...to all of you writers out there, see what a few misplaced words can do?

So here we go...I am told," Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:"

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight
at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all
the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &
FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer
Conference
includes meals.

3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The
sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
the recreation hall - Come out and watch us
kill Christ the King.

5. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get
rid of
those things not worth keeping around the
house. Don't forget your husbands.

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due
to a conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to
someone who doesn't care much about you.

8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

11. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all
the help they can get.

12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: " Break Forth Into Joy."

14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What
Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.

20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
lunch.

21 The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.

22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
follow.

23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.

27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please
use the back door.

28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge ! - Up Yours!"


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I hope you have a JOYFUL day!

God bless!

Donna-Marie

1 comment:

Mary Ellen Barrett said...

How cute! Thanks for the chuckle.